Trench Notes: Dec. 5, 2008 session

Every once in a while, something so weird happens in an FCF session that it just needs to be memorialized. Last Friday, one of those events occurred.

We had a partially open room and were playing Uprising on Broken Piggy's new Beachfront map. As often happens, the Uprising leader for my team was some random 'Tag, whose name I don't recall. Let's call him Dungforbrains.

When an Uprising match starts, I always call out "Who's the leader?", because people tend to not immediately tell you "Hey, I'm the leader!" like they should. Well, after calling it out several times, I finally saw Dungforbrains in the leader uniform. Okay, great -- we have a leader that is mic-shy. Honestly, I should have banned him. But since we had voting turned off and the other team had no way of banning a silent leader, I figured it would be unfair for me to do it for my team just because I'm the host.

So we went with the handicap. Well, it turns out that Dungforbrains apparently doesn't know how to play Uprising and isn't interested in learning. Instead of heading for the mystical floating letters on the screen, he goes off looking for a good sniping position.

Our entire team is now yelling at Dungforbrains to go take a control point as he meanders off in search of a camping spot. I tell the team to ignore him and just work on keeping the other team from taking points.

We play for a couple of minutes and work our way to the center of the large bunker on the Beachfront map to clear one of the control points. Dungforbrains is with us. He heads right past the smoke-spewing control point that he should be taking, and instead starts aiming his sniper rifle through the bunker windows to do some beach sniping.

I've had enough. I go stand in front of his rifle, blocking his fire, yelling at him the entire time to post his hind-quarters on top of the control point. Somewhere a penny dropped into the slot that activates what's left of Dungforbrains tiny mind and he saunter's over to the control point. "Finally!" I yell. "Now stay there!"

I moved over to the side of the room so that I could cover Dungy from enemy fire while he takes the point -- and this idiot followed me! I start screaming "Get your butt back on that control point! Now! What do you think you are doing?!?"

And then, it happened.

Dungy takes out his machete and starts trying to hack at me! (With friendly fire turned off, he decides to hack his own team-mate, who also happens to be the session host?!?)

What followed was the fastest ban in the history of Far Cry Friday.

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UPDATE: After a little research, consultation and mind-wracking, we've determined that Dungforbrains' real Gamertag is "BenYB0i". (Yeah, I went there.)

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